*sigh*

I think Dave Matthews can sum up my current mindset best:

Here we have been standing for a long, long time
Treading trodden trails for a long, long time
I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself
Sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else

Down to the wire, I wanted water but I walk through the fire

Starting the GCC applications, and for the most part trying to figure out how to say that I feel like my classmates are a bunch of idiots without sounding arrogant/rude/in general turning off the people reading them.

Luckily I have Aviva in Gay and Lesbian Lit. to bounce ideas off of, and she's really nice about it. I also jotted down a few things I want to try and integrate. The format is a bunch of questions about my learning experiences, what works, what doesn't, and what I'm planning on doing after college. I've got the basics down, I just need to figure out phrasing. Thank god I have Leto (the computer) now to use while composing these.

I'm also trying to figure out how to phrase my biggest fear about staying in the high school. To put it simply, I think if I stay there for senior year I'll suffer burnout. I don't want senioritis, but I'm worried that if I lose momentum and motivation I'll screw everything else up. And frankly I want some recognition for all the things people are telling me about being ahead of the curve, and all the evidence seems to suggest that my doing this would make me look really good. Now it's just a matter of logistics on my part.

But I tend to be the type who really puts my all into something I really care about, and now it's about my life, so I think I can do this.