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athenaltenaAlso final exams happen this week. Which means I now have only a week left, being this week, 1 full day Monday and two half days, then freedom.
With that comes a bit of sorrow. I sincerely hope that I manage to get a job somewhere. I now have 6 places I've applied to and no word from any of them. People keep telling me not to get discouraged, but it does creep in on me now and then these days.
Though I expressed happiness at the sunshine in my last entry I just moments after writing it felt myself get much more down. One other item on the list of stuff-to-discuss with Mark is if I have some form of Bipolar disorder or if my SAD is just out of whack with the weather. This is actually rather unusual because emotionally I tend to do quite well in the summer, but recently things have been rather strange. I don't know if it's car-related changes, general teenager stuff or something else.
I'm about to get into Too-Much-Information territory for some under the cut, so be warned if thou doth cliketh.
One weird thing lately is that I've been incredibly sexually frustrated, and beyond the normal hormonal stuff. This coupled with a rather severe pain I keep getting in that general area that my doctor attributed to "severe menstral cramps". At this point that appears to be bullshit because they keep showing up when I'm not in that time of month, and this makes me believe my hormones are going haywire in some form or another. I actually ended up walking into a rather cold river today in an attempt to cure the horniness aspect of this (basically a varient on the idea of a cold shower) and didn't feel much of an effect. Not to mention that it feels like my energy has been all over the place. I tried to meditate while at the river but was interrupted by the arrival of two toddlers and their mother so had to go somewhere else. I just hope I can figure out what's going on with me and find some way to help it.
With that comes a bit of sorrow. I sincerely hope that I manage to get a job somewhere. I now have 6 places I've applied to and no word from any of them. People keep telling me not to get discouraged, but it does creep in on me now and then these days.
Though I expressed happiness at the sunshine in my last entry I just moments after writing it felt myself get much more down. One other item on the list of stuff-to-discuss with Mark is if I have some form of Bipolar disorder or if my SAD is just out of whack with the weather. This is actually rather unusual because emotionally I tend to do quite well in the summer, but recently things have been rather strange. I don't know if it's car-related changes, general teenager stuff or something else.
I'm about to get into Too-Much-Information territory for some under the cut, so be warned if thou doth cliketh.
One weird thing lately is that I've been incredibly sexually frustrated, and beyond the normal hormonal stuff. This coupled with a rather severe pain I keep getting in that general area that my doctor attributed to "severe menstral cramps". At this point that appears to be bullshit because they keep showing up when I'm not in that time of month, and this makes me believe my hormones are going haywire in some form or another. I actually ended up walking into a rather cold river today in an attempt to cure the horniness aspect of this (basically a varient on the idea of a cold shower) and didn't feel much of an effect. Not to mention that it feels like my energy has been all over the place. I tried to meditate while at the river but was interrupted by the arrival of two toddlers and their mother so had to go somewhere else. I just hope I can figure out what's going on with me and find some way to help it.
