Things I overheard while talking to myself

This was sent to me by my dad. It's a redub of the "Barney's Christmas" video the White House puts out every year about Bush's Scottish Terrier Barney that's incredibly lame. This is a big improvement, with Barney as a foul-mouthed Scottsman and the "fookin' cat" who must be our Jesse-cat's twin. As the people on the site put it:

"This is just about the most immature thing we've ever seen. Which must be why we've watched it about a dozen times now."

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today
As they may be connected to the ass that I have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work... 12% on Monday, 23% on
Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

And help me to remember...When I'm having a really bad day,
And it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown
And only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

If anyone here's played Halo, or seen AMV Hell, you may find this amusing. A few made me laugh out loud, although some are mostly in jokes about the game. Still, an amusing watch.

Halo Music Video Hell

Note: if you haven't seen the anime Noir, especially the end episodes, this won't make any sense. If you have, you may be amused.

A few days ago The Fork arrived. I guess I'm now part of the Brother/Sisterhood of the Fork along with kawakiisakazuki and some others. It's very silly, but still fun.

Originally photographed on my hand before I came to my senses and put it on the cherry table with dramatic lighting. Intentionally done to make it look menacing with the glow. :)



Also I'm glad I got the Watanuki icon. I think I'll get good mileage out of this one too.

( Happy Easter! )

Emailed to me by my dad.

Hunting Time

Anyway, last thing before I go to bed. Really!

HOW THE GREAT (and not so great) FAITHS OF THE WORLD APPROACH A GLASS THAT IS HALF FILLED WITH WATER


Optimist: The Glass is Half Full.

Pessimist: The Glass is Half Empty.

Buddhist: The Glass is Empty.

Catholic: According to the church council held at Cappadocia many years ago, the sins of the world half emptied the glass, but Jesus came to assure us that the glass will be full again.

Protestant: The Glass is half full of water and completely full of the holy spirit.

Jain: The glass is half full of water that is teeming with tiny unseen creatures, and if you drink that, the bad karma goo of their deaths will adhere to your soul, dragging you down at death.

Jew: If I've only got a half-glass of water, I should only pay half-price.

Wiccan: This glass belongs in the west of our circle, where it can represent the power of Water.

Folkish Asatruar: This glass is half full of water that probably comes from some ground well that our good, pure, and true Teutonic ancestors never drank out of, so you can just pour this out.

Regular Asatruar: The glass is half full of a good chaser for these shots we're gonna do until one of us falls under the table. Hail Thor!

Traditional Witch: Would you top me off, please? I have to give at least half of this to the spirit of that Tree over there, and I'm kinda thirsty myself.

Rastafarian: Thanks mon, I got dee bad cottonmouth

Taoist: Notice how the water easily flows to the bottom of the glass, using the space perfectly and effortlessly. The Tao is like that. By making no effort, it fills all things.

Ceremonial Mage: This glass belongs in the west of our circle, where it can represent the power of Water. However, if you are working during the period of the Inverted Equinox, or if you are working with the special opening (and all of those pesky equilibrated signs) the elemental assignments in your circle WILL change, so pay attention to this chart- according to it, the watchtower of water, along with the Angels AADOPEDZE and BAHAZA (who are normally angels of the Fire Quadrangle) will now be invoked from the north, and the glass should be placed there.

Muslim: The glass has been wisely filled only half way, sparing the extra water for others. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) has said that water must not be wasted. God has spoken the truth.

General Hindu Mystic: Great Indeed are the glasses of water that have sprung from Brahman! OM

Follower of Vishnu: Vishnu has created this glass and the water and the one who has placed the water in it, and he alone determines, through karma, whether or not the perceiver of this glass shall describe it as "half full" or "half empty".

Follower of Shiva: Shiva has created this glass and the water and the one who has placed the water in it, and he alone determines, through karma, whether or not the perceiver of this glass shall describe it as "half full" or "half empty".

Follower of Krishna: This glass of water fulfills its dharma by holding water, and dispensing it when a thirsty man or woman needs a drink. If it did not, it would fall into transgression. But Krishna is a great light within all, and all glasses of water, and the thirsty men and women that come to drink from it, give praise to Krishna under a million names.

Atheist: The Glass is half empty.

Punchable Person: This glass is full. It's half full of water, and half full of air. You choose to ignore the air, but it has volume like anything else. And, you need it as much as you need water.

Beat Nick: Laugh, you squiggly snake, who thrusts his pink tutu unseen in the great glass castle. Cry and dance for me, you piece of rubber hose, you rainbow lolly-pop that gurgles in the foam of the ocean! Oh yeah...

Scientologist: The E-meter detects at least eight strong Engrams in this water- no wonder it didn't have the courage to go all the way to the top. It can only unconsciously react to the effects of the traumas that hold it back. I'll do an auditing, but it'll cost 300 dollars for each hour.

This was forwarded from my mom:

Child: "Daddy, how was I born?"
Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said You've Got Male!"

Ha ha.