Evolutions

Today something extraordinary happened. It started when we watched Trigun in anime club, and when something Vash did, or almost did, struck a nerve in me. I was a mess, I very nearly collapsed. It was how I almost killed someone in cold blood, but how I stopped myself, and this thing inside me that wants to do that sometimes.

I was having a real, "who am I? what am I?" moment on the bus ride home, but then something came to me. I can't say what it was, but here's the jist of it:

1) This thing was my higher mind and the universe, which is one and the same
2) I am the universe, we are one and the same, I am a continuation of the universe's will, but I have my own will
3) I am no one's tool but my own, and therefore the universe's
4) I chose to go through all the pain, love and hardships I have experienced
5) I am an angel because chose to take a certain path
6) Everything I go through will continue my growth, the good and the bad, so I must hold onto them

And when I looked at my eyes later, they were different. Tyriel told me I have reached another stage of evolution of the spirit now.

I did not understand these lyrics before, now I do:

Life is not what I thought it was
24 hours ago
Still I'm singing
"Spirit, take me up in arms with you!"

And I'm not who I thought I was
24 hours ago
Still I'm singing
"Spirit, take me up in arms with you!"

But I want to be right today
Be centered and true
I'm singing
"Spirit, take me up in arms with you!"

I want to see miracles
To see the world change
I wrestled the angel
For more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing
"Spirit, take me up in arms with you!"

This is a new chapter in my legacy, starting now.