Old Wounds
Aug. 12th, 2004 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athenaltenaI brought up the subject of homophobia at a girl's camp I am working at, and I managed to touch on something I had forgotten:
When I was first telling my mother that I was wondering about my sexuality, she said five words that still sting almost eight months later.
"I wish you weren't gay."
She has no idea how much that hurts. It was saying, "I wish you weren't who you are," and so in a way it felt like she rejected me. Great, here come the waterworks. And she is the last person I would have expected to say that. I mean, she's a Unitarian, grew up in Oregon, and has known so many gay people, heck, we're everywhere! Especially around here.
But that was the only time that she has ever shown any thought of not liking who I am, but maybe it was a window into how she really feels about me.
What the hell am I supposed to do? My father has never said anything about that, but remembering that has me wondering how my mother really feels.
I need a hug. :(
When I was first telling my mother that I was wondering about my sexuality, she said five words that still sting almost eight months later.
"I wish you weren't gay."
She has no idea how much that hurts. It was saying, "I wish you weren't who you are," and so in a way it felt like she rejected me. Great, here come the waterworks. And she is the last person I would have expected to say that. I mean, she's a Unitarian, grew up in Oregon, and has known so many gay people, heck, we're everywhere! Especially around here.
But that was the only time that she has ever shown any thought of not liking who I am, but maybe it was a window into how she really feels about me.
What the hell am I supposed to do? My father has never said anything about that, but remembering that has me wondering how my mother really feels.
I need a hug. :(
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:44 pm (UTC)There are things I wish I could say to try and make you feel better. But these things sound really personal, and I don't have the words anyways.
I know this'll sound really lame (because it is), but keep your chin up. You are not being rejected. And even if it sounds rude for me to declare: humans say things sometimes, when things don't go as expected.
The only thing I can do is hope that y'all be okay in the end.
sm:)e