It started early
Jun. 27th, 2007 11:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athenaltenaI think I've mentioned before that as a kid I was always up in my own head, and since I had the deadly combination of an introverted personality and two literary parents that usually took the form of making up stories in my head. I never actually wrote them down, but as I was cleaning up today I started thinking about one character I had from way back when, and how it was that some people probably figured out I was gay years before I did. If this character was any indication, there's just about no doubt that I really was born gay.
So this character was a woman. Russian, to be specific, named Svetlana Borisyenko, named after a girl in the Russian club who I think I can safely say I had a crush on without realizing it. I would later find out that she was actually Ukrainian (-yenko is a Ukrainian name ending) but I just thought it was a cool name. Ironically Svetlana was the name of the mother of the kid I stayed with when I actually went to Russia a couple of years later, and I still think it's a pretty name.
So anyway, this character was sort of like the daughter of Misato Katsuragi and Integra Hellsing (but long before I knew of either of these characters). Some people may remember a post about my like of women in authority positions, and this character exemplified thatfestish personality trait. Nowadays I would probably say that yes, this character was a lesbian, but I was a bit too young to really think like that (I'm talking age 9ish). I don't really recall what was going to happen to this character, but somehow her story evolved into her being an ex-pat as part of a International Organization in the vein of MITHRIL (of Full Metal Panic) and I think at one point she was going to die heroically.
There was also a young woman, who had what I would now call a girl-crush on Svetlana and essentially wanted to be her protege. The conflict was that Svetlana was fairly bitter from her life experience as a soldier and didn't want to get this other young girl (Darsha) involved in that sort of lifestyle. Alternately there was a father/son relationship that was quite similar, and the idea was that the two kids would meet up in the middle of a war. It was quite complicated, but I never got down a word of it.
I actually remember being surprised when I imagined a scene where Svetlana would kiss Darsha (probably right before she died) and cause all sorts of confusion. Darsha I would say now was bisexual, I didn't even know what the word faggot meant until approximately 5th grade, so that sort of thinking came purely out my own subconscious.
There was also a character in their who was a guy kinda in the vein of Auron of FFX (once again long before I played the game) who was sort of the prototype of some other characters I've written/thought about. Both Svetlana and this guy (Zacharias) were associated with the color red, while their respective proteges (Artur was the kid) were more about white and blue. Also some stuff that can be taken from there.
Now Artur kinda reminds me of Kamui (read: angsty, a bit of a loner, but does open up) which once again is ironic and oddly prescient on my part. I guess I knew what I identified with even before I knew what I identified as. Some themes - war, how people deal with it, screwed up relationships - were also oddly still there even when I was a kid. No wonder no one thought I was a normal kid if I had that stuff in my head at age 9.
In other words, this whole thing started early - the writing, the attraction, and some of the character models. Next time I see Mark I might want to run this by him, just to see what he thinks. I now wish I'd written this stuff down, but I have a decent memory and can call up some of it. I think now that I'm more removed from that it's easier to look at, and maybe can be helpful.
So this character was a woman. Russian, to be specific, named Svetlana Borisyenko, named after a girl in the Russian club who I think I can safely say I had a crush on without realizing it. I would later find out that she was actually Ukrainian (-yenko is a Ukrainian name ending) but I just thought it was a cool name. Ironically Svetlana was the name of the mother of the kid I stayed with when I actually went to Russia a couple of years later, and I still think it's a pretty name.
So anyway, this character was sort of like the daughter of Misato Katsuragi and Integra Hellsing (but long before I knew of either of these characters). Some people may remember a post about my like of women in authority positions, and this character exemplified that
There was also a young woman, who had what I would now call a girl-crush on Svetlana and essentially wanted to be her protege. The conflict was that Svetlana was fairly bitter from her life experience as a soldier and didn't want to get this other young girl (Darsha) involved in that sort of lifestyle. Alternately there was a father/son relationship that was quite similar, and the idea was that the two kids would meet up in the middle of a war. It was quite complicated, but I never got down a word of it.
I actually remember being surprised when I imagined a scene where Svetlana would kiss Darsha (probably right before she died) and cause all sorts of confusion. Darsha I would say now was bisexual, I didn't even know what the word faggot meant until approximately 5th grade, so that sort of thinking came purely out my own subconscious.
There was also a character in their who was a guy kinda in the vein of Auron of FFX (once again long before I played the game) who was sort of the prototype of some other characters I've written/thought about. Both Svetlana and this guy (Zacharias) were associated with the color red, while their respective proteges (Artur was the kid) were more about white and blue. Also some stuff that can be taken from there.
Now Artur kinda reminds me of Kamui (read: angsty, a bit of a loner, but does open up) which once again is ironic and oddly prescient on my part. I guess I knew what I identified with even before I knew what I identified as. Some themes - war, how people deal with it, screwed up relationships - were also oddly still there even when I was a kid. No wonder no one thought I was a normal kid if I had that stuff in my head at age 9.
In other words, this whole thing started early - the writing, the attraction, and some of the character models. Next time I see Mark I might want to run this by him, just to see what he thinks. I now wish I'd written this stuff down, but I have a decent memory and can call up some of it. I think now that I'm more removed from that it's easier to look at, and maybe can be helpful.
