Cinder - 1993-2006
Feb. 20th, 2006 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athenaltenaJesus Christ... I knew something big was going to happen soon.
As of about 7:05 at the vet's where he was taken this morning, our old dog Cinder passed on. He probably had lymphoma or something like that since his white blood cell count was high, but he was very happy and around people. We weren't there, but I think he wanted it that way considering the strange way this played out. I've been thinking for a few months that he's been sick and on his way out, but kept it to myself for the most part. His arthritis was bothering him so I was trying to bring him in on colder days, and once when I was lying on the rug with him I just somehow knew that he was thinking that he didn't have much time left. Since I didn't know when that would actually happen I told him it was okay whenever he was ready, and basically said goodbye then. I'm glad he left on a day all of us were at home and that he went quickly.
I had a feeling when they took him to vet that I'd never see him again, but I chose to stay behind partly because I'd just woken up and also because I just had a sense that I didn't need to. I was a little too right in that regard. I think my parents were the ones who really needed to say goodbye to him and I would've just been in the way. I spent most of the day alone when they were out, so it gave me time to accept the fact I'd probably never see him again, so now I'm basically just past the crying for the most part. Probably will later, but I'm not really crying at least for now.
As it turns out the vet called at 7 to say that he thought we should come down to say goodbye, since he didn't think he'd last the night. I wasn't planning on going down, but about 5 minutes later we get a call that in the short time between the first call and then he'd died. I can't shake the thought that he did that then to spare us the trouble of coming down and so we wouldn't get all the way down to Amherst only to hear that. That would be like him to do.
I think my mom'll be okay, she just needs a bit of time. Hell, so do I. But it's good to know he's okay now, though it's going to be tough seeing things that remind me he's not there anymore, which are everywhere *I'm starting to cry right about now*. I'd been dry eyed right up to when I went outside to feed the ponies and saw his dog-coat sitting on the chest in the coat room, after which I just lost it. It's going to be like that for a while, I can tell. After all, he's been here most of my life. But I have a feeling I'll see him again at some point.
And this is for him:
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
...
As of about 7:05 at the vet's where he was taken this morning, our old dog Cinder passed on. He probably had lymphoma or something like that since his white blood cell count was high, but he was very happy and around people. We weren't there, but I think he wanted it that way considering the strange way this played out. I've been thinking for a few months that he's been sick and on his way out, but kept it to myself for the most part. His arthritis was bothering him so I was trying to bring him in on colder days, and once when I was lying on the rug with him I just somehow knew that he was thinking that he didn't have much time left. Since I didn't know when that would actually happen I told him it was okay whenever he was ready, and basically said goodbye then. I'm glad he left on a day all of us were at home and that he went quickly.
I had a feeling when they took him to vet that I'd never see him again, but I chose to stay behind partly because I'd just woken up and also because I just had a sense that I didn't need to. I was a little too right in that regard. I think my parents were the ones who really needed to say goodbye to him and I would've just been in the way. I spent most of the day alone when they were out, so it gave me time to accept the fact I'd probably never see him again, so now I'm basically just past the crying for the most part. Probably will later, but I'm not really crying at least for now.
As it turns out the vet called at 7 to say that he thought we should come down to say goodbye, since he didn't think he'd last the night. I wasn't planning on going down, but about 5 minutes later we get a call that in the short time between the first call and then he'd died. I can't shake the thought that he did that then to spare us the trouble of coming down and so we wouldn't get all the way down to Amherst only to hear that. That would be like him to do.
I think my mom'll be okay, she just needs a bit of time. Hell, so do I. But it's good to know he's okay now, though it's going to be tough seeing things that remind me he's not there anymore, which are everywhere *I'm starting to cry right about now*. I'd been dry eyed right up to when I went outside to feed the ponies and saw his dog-coat sitting on the chest in the coat room, after which I just lost it. It's going to be like that for a while, I can tell. After all, he's been here most of my life. But I have a feeling I'll see him again at some point.
And this is for him:
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
...
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-20 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 01:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 11:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 11:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 02:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 07:01 pm (UTC)Give yourself a few weeks, take it easy. And good luck.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-21 10:16 pm (UTC)